A year ago...

As I sit here I cannot help but think about where I was a year ago.  How different my life was.  

I cannot help but remember how excited, nervous, emotional, and stressed I was.

See I was still processing that fact that I was pregnant.

Aidan turning 5 months yesterday is what go me thinking.

I remember exactly how I felt when I found out I was pregnant.

Excited and panicky all at the same time.

I remember how nervous I was to tell my friends and family.  And today I will share with you why.  You see I was not married when I got pregnant and I am still not married today.  I am engaged but that happened after I got pregnant.  Many of you are probably thinking Aidan was an accident but you see that's the thing...he wasn't!!  Yes that is right I decided to have a baby before getting married.

Most people think Aidan was an accident even some of our family and not because that is what I told them.  Most people assumed this for the sole reason that we were not married.  I am not one of those hardcore opinionated people by any means but I have my opinions and my beliefs.  I voice my opinions when asked and when necessary but never to make others feel bad.  My beliefs are very different from most of my family and I am okay with that.  I am far from old fashion.  I mean I have 15 tattoos, lets be real.  

I do not believe marriage is a prerequisite to having a child.  I have never once in my life doubted my want to have a child.  I waited until I was 28 years old with a good job and a good head on my shoulders to bring another life into this world.  I by no means was still a child but I was not married, gasp.  

Would a marriage certificate have made me love my child anymore than I currently do?

Would a marriage certificate guarantee that Jesse and I would be together forever?

Would a marriage certificate have made me a better mother?

Would a marriage certificate have eliminated the obstacles we have faced as parents?

Would a marriage certificate have made me any less emotional or scared?

The answer to all these questions is NO!!

But it would have made some other people feel better and I respect that but I do not agree with it.

Jesse and I had discussed marriage and we planned on it in the future.  We also had discussed having a child and while we were not actively trying (I mean like every night) we were 100% aware that it could happen and we both wanted the same things in life.

Did we have our ups and downs throughout our relationship, hell yes!  No relationship is perfect even if blogland portrays them that way.  But I can honestly say we are both better people today and we owe that to our son.  We both work harder than we ever have before.

I have never loved another human being more than I love my little boy and I am by far the happiest I have ever been in my life.  To me that is what matters!

I refused to get married solely because I was pregnant.  We are planning on getting married eventually but on our terms.  We are getting married because we love each other not because we have a child together.  Because honestly if your not getting married for the right reasons then you shouldn't be getting married at all.  Way to many people were too concerned with that damn piece of paper.  

So as I sit here today and I remember the reactions and comments people made when finding out I was pregnant, I can't help but laugh.  The funniest comment being from a fellow employee (who knew nothing about my life and may have spoken to me twice in the 4 years I had been there) stating that I should not be allowed to teach anymore because I was a poor role model for my students.  I guess it was a good thing that I didn't let petty comments like those bother me because some people I know would have raised hell!  Wake up and realize the world we live in.

Life does not always turn out how you planned.  I consider myself lucky because I have this beautiful child that fills my heart with more joy than I ever thought possible.  I have never and will never second guess my decision to have a child when I did.  

Thank you Aidan for showing me what truly matters in life.